Looking through various wordpress posts tonight (after not logging in for months) and I kind of randomly came across the “marriage” tag.
What do you know? Most of them (at least most recent ones) were about religion – two or three on the awfulness of marriage between a christian and a non-believer. Other ones were quoting the bible as some sort of advice(?) about marriage. Here’s the thing. My husband and I are both atheists and we’re doing pretty great (he’s straight, I’m bisexual). And there are same-sex couples doing pretty great too – though for the life of me I have a difficult time when they’re christians themselves (sorry!). Okay, seriously sort of sorry. I’m a little (obviously) against religion and since the bible is kind of a pick and chose what standards various churches upkeep – most of the time anti-same-sex coupling up, it’s not the easiest thing for me to understand why someone would worship some thing that say’s “no”. Some churches are liberal or progressive or whatever term a person likes but it’s okay to say “I did this because I wanted to” and not because some church said I could while others call it a sin. If you’re gay-married and religious, have at it with comments…
In other news, I like my marriage to my “non-believing” husband and it’s a little weird that so many people need the bible or whatever religious preference to feel all high and mighty about marriage. I’ve written it before but it’s a contract. It’s something important between two people that feel extremely confident that they will want to spend their lives together. When people put it in biblical terms it’s actually less of a marriage in my opinion. It’s some sacred thing that they feel the need to honor because a god says so. I call bullshit.
I feel this way about a lot of religious stuff – follow the christian church’s teachings or you’ll go to hell… follow them so you go to heaven… follow them because you love a god and want to show respect. How about fulfilling a marriage contract because there are actual benefits to it? How about because you respect your spouse because of the person and not the spiritual being… and the benefits are not just legal benefits, but security and happiness. I am most definitely not married – nor do I stay married – because some supernatural being said to do so.
Some atheist marriages end in divorce; some theist marriages end in divorce. Sometimes there are fights, sometimes sex, sometimes boredom, sometimes adventure, sometimes vegging out in front of a television. We’re actually not so different than theists. I can relate to problems and greatness. At the end of the day, though, I cannot believe that it’s my destiny or fate or god-given. It’s cool that my husband and I got together and decided to make it official legally. It wasn’t some leap of faith when we got married – it was actually a “war-bride” situation but that’s okay.
It’s logic. Our pheromones didn’t really give us reaction – at first (now it’s great) – because although we didn’t meet online, the beginning of our relationship was spent half a world away – when he was deployed in Korea. So, I’m not so worried that the scent that gives chemistry is going to run out. We have similar values in all the right places and even if someday we go through a period when we’re not sexually attracted that’s going to be okay because he’s someone that I can relate to on an intellectual level; even if we get bored with each other, that’s okay too, we can force ourselves to take a vacation.
If theism works for people, that’s fine. But then don’t deny the theists that are fundamental mormons which have multiple wives. Don’t deny same-sex religious couples the right to get married (see, I support the cause!). On the fundamental mormons I am most definitely NOT talking about the weird shitty ass people that marry off teenagers… wait until the 20s and it better be consensual but if that’s how you go, that’s how you go.
Again, I love my marriage and I support marriage and don’t support divorce – break of contract people! – unless there is abuse; in which case, I hope those people can get out of it though I understand if they feel as though they can’t sometimes and that’s hard to know but it’s something I understand to be true.
I’m an atheist married to an atheist and we’re happy about being atheists and being married… so there!
There’s not a whole lot more I wanted to say other than I wish other people would stop thinking their marriages are so fantastic and solid because the bible tells them so.